Thursday, February 3, 2011

A Girl's Gotta Do

What a girl's gotta do.

And tonight, after my recovery meeting, this girl just had to have a Dairy Queen burger and a chocolate-dipped ice cream cone (medium size, which most of you know, is really big.)

Do I feel better after consuming said burger and cone at 9:30 at night? Indeed I do. The gluttony brought a slightly rough week (see posts below) to an end. Tomorrow is Friday, my third Friday off in a row. Despite last week's vacation day failure (as in, I failed to take the entire day off), tomorrow I have promised myself that I will not work. No work emails, no work calls. It won't be easy. Have I mentioned that I am a workaholic?

So what will I do with my wonderful day off? I will light a fire, and settle in to do some writing, a bit of tidying and likely a good deal of checking CNN to make sure Anderson is okay in Egypt. I will Skype my sister, and drink at least one full pot of creamed earl grey team. It's pay day, so I will pay some bills online. I will meditate at some point in the day. I will be thankful all day, for having the day to myself, grateful for the gift of time.

The only work that I might consider doing, is step work. I finished a sixth step last week, and I am anxious to start step seven. Maybe anxious is the wrong word. I look forward to starting step seven. What will I be working on? Well, I am not quite in a place where I want to do my step work on the internet, even if I am the only person reading this blog. However, in general terms, here are the things about me that keep me from being a better me, and thus, these are the things that I will be trying to leave behind:

Fear of there not being enough time. I stress a lot about there not being enough time in the day, but my underlying and stupefying fear is that I won't have enough time in my life to figure out what I am supposed to be doing with my life, let alone do it.

Sometimes I think having a PhD means I know better or more than most people. Mostly about subjects for which I do not have a PhD.

Sometimes, when not thinking that I am really bright, I fear that I don't know anything. About anything. Or I worry that even when I figure out what I am supposed to be doing in this lifetime, that I won't be able to do it.

Lack of Discipline
Sugar. Enough said?

Lack of Self-Awareness
I tell myself stories about myself. And then I believe them. But they are really just stories.

So, there you have it. A short list of the challenges that I face. I have more strengths than weaknesses, so don't read into this post that I think I am a diseased, defective person. Because I don't think that about myself at all. I actually think that I am a pretty remarkable being, we all are. But like the rest of us, I have some things to work on.


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