A Woman of Few Words

That's me. 

I left things too long today and now I am sitting here falling asleep. I am really good at keeping my word to myself, and so when I committed to blogging every Sunday, I meant it. 

But I am simply not into forcing the words, phrases, sentences...out of my head, so I think I will just be okay with admitting that I'm wordless. 

Which in and of itself is a bit of a bloody miracle.  

Not the being wordless part. 

The being okay part.

Sad Violin - Violon Triste

Well then, I guess I am swinging from nostalgia (yesterday's post) to melancholia, today. Can't seem to shake it, so thought I might as well go with it. I don't mind feeling sad. It's hard to explain. I don't like it, but I accept it.

The best way to deal with feeling melancholy, I have found - is to embrace it wholeheartedly. And then let it go.

Music helps me get to where I need to go with sadness. If there is a sadder piece of music out there than this one, please let me know. In the meantime, enjoy?

This video is also a good writing prompt. Something about the changing colours and the woeful tune conjures up creativity. Well, for me, anyway.

Self Acceptance

"We no longer have to look for the approval of others because we are satisfied with being ourselves." (I.P. No. 19)

I'm in love with the idea of accepting myself fully.The line above is from a piece of literature from a twelve step program that saved my life, but it bears the same sentiment as a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that has also resonated with me for a very long time:

"Somehow we learn who we really are and then live with that decision."

I know I am getting closer, but I am not quite there yet, Eleanor. I 'm getting better at self-awareness, which is a good start. I figure I have to know who I am in order to be okay with me, right? Fortunately, I like more about myself as time passes, but I still struggle with a fair bit of negative chatter that takes over my brain, and I am beginning to see how that type of chatter translates into behaviours that work against me. What I do know for certain, is that I don't speak to the people I love the same way as I talk to myself. Which is kind of ridiculous, but it is the truth. I know these things about myself, but don't accept them, and want to change them. So, if I accept that I am not happily dwelling in a place of self-acceptance, is that self-acceptance?

And now, you should begin to understand that doctoral degree aside, my brain is often not my friend.

If you want to read something cool about self-acceptance, check out Melodi Cowan's tiny buddha blog post "Learning and Unlearning: A Journey of Self-Acceptance."