The Journey Continues

I have just started doing Cheryl Richardson’s Life Makeover program. It’s a 52 week program, but I’m a bit of a keener so am confident that I can do several weeks of her “take action challenges” at a time.  I have simple desires. I just want to continue to shape the life that I want to live. A meaningful life, that’s really all I am after. 

The first exercise in the Life Makeover book is simply to reflect on the previous year and make a list of twenty-five things I am most proud of accomplishing over the last twelve months. This list may include ways that I’ve grown as a person, goals I’ve achieved, and the positive changes I’ve made in my life. I think my list also includes just your average happy highlights from the past year.

In No Particular Order, My Top Twenty-Five Accomplishments From the Past Year:

1. I admitted that I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable, and took a medical leave from work for exhaustion, stress, anxiety and depression
2. I took action to truly heal the relationship with my Baby Sister
3. I started a blog in January and wrote on a daily basis for as long as was practical, I now blog weekly
4. I started a Facebook page called She Recovers in late July, to share thoughts and inspirations with women in recovery (any or all programs or modes of recovery), and I update it at least twice a day
5. I went a little deeper with some grief work (I still really, really miss my Mom)
6. I worked with a therapist for long enough to remember that I am okay, just the way I am
7. I spent a wonderfully relaxing four day weekend in Tofino in February, with my Soul Mate
8. I attended a screenwriting workshop
9. I started writing a screenplay
10. I organized a small women’s retreat for women in recovery (it was an amazing weekend)
11. After six years of teaching everything but my favourite topic, I was finally able to develop and teach my dream course (history of health and medicine in 20th century North America, using Hollywood films as sources)
12. After six years of teaching in addition to working full-time in another professional career, I decided (for the sake of my health) to let go of teaching for the next couple of years while I work on slowing down
13. I flew to my Baby Sister’s house to surprise my darling Dad for his 80^th birthday (he was shocked, and very happy)
14. I planned and enjoyed a week-long family vacation in a dreamy house on the ocean
15. I worked steps six through eleven and am working on writing my twelfth step now (the most profoundly life-altering set of steps I have ever worked)
16. After years of wanting to take up knitting, I took a knitting class, knitted a pair of slippers from a pattern, decided scarves were easier, finished one, now working on another
17. I planned and enjoyed another surprise for my dad, this time Baby Sister flew here to Victoria while Dad was visiting so she and I could stay up all night and watch the Royal Wedding (Dad stayed up too, but went to bed before the balcony kiss)
18. I worked really hard at having patience with myself
19. I planted and tended a flower garden for third year in a row (only killed a few things)
20. I joined a new home group and have been a dedicated and dependable member for many months
21. I worked really hard this past year on developing more compassion for others
22. I wrote each of my daughters a heartfelt birthday blog (Yoga Kid and First Born)
23. I tried to be a good friend to my Best Friend while she went through a hard time
24. I stopped being judgmental, and am nearly done with sarcasm
25. I tried every day, to be mindful, to stay focused in the moment (okay, so it doesn’t always work…but I keep trying)

Fifty Plus One

A year ago today, when I turned 50, I knew that I was going to have a great and interesting year. And so I did. I've learned a lot, and survived some hard moments. After a bad turn several months ago, I believe that I'm actually starting to get a handle on things, again. My therapist thinks so, too. We can't both be wrong.

I've had a lovely day turning 51. A ton of Facebook messages, all lovely. Phone calls and flowers, and a trip to the nursery and an hour in my garden. A recovery meeting this evening. I am thankful, and grateful. Earlier today, a dear friend introduced me to a great piece of writing by William Stafford. Like so much of what I have focused on during my recovery and throughout this past year, in particular, it speaks to the importance of now. Of living in this perfect, made for me, moment. I love it.

You Reading This, Be Ready

Starting here, what do you want to remember?
How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?
What scent of old wood hovers, what softened
sound from outside fills the air?

Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now? Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?

When you turn around, starting here, lift this
new glimpse that you found; carry into evening
all that you want from this day. This interval you spent
reading or hearing this, keep it for life –

What can anyone give you greater than now,
starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?

~ William Stafford ~

Remembering To Live a Life That Matters

Trying to be a little more upbeat than yesterday, today. Yoga helped. So did knitting. So did eating Kraft Dinner and watching the season opener of The United States of Tara with First Born.

Still, it won't hurt to end my day with a positive reflection on the meaning of life.

About 5 and 1/2 years ago, a friend of mine gave me a framed version of this poem by Michael Josephson. I had stage three colon cancer at the time. I wasn't sure that I was going to beat it. Reading these words had a profound impact on my thinking at the time.

Still does.

(Note: I posted this material as text previously on this blog, but just came across it in video.)

What Will Matter

I was reminding Yoga Kid about my favourite poem and she actually posted it on her blog last night. In lieu of anything original to write about tonight myself, I'm doing the same.

WHAT WILL MATTER

Michael Josephson

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten
will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations
and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from
or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought
but what you built, not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success
but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned
but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity,
compassion, courage, or sacrifice
that enriched, empowered or encouraged others
to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence
but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,
but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories
but the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered,
by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.
It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

Before I Die

As I understand it, there are five secrets that I need to discover before I die. Apparently, you need to discover them too. I'm thinking that knowing them might help us write our bucket lists and/or identify the 1000 places that we need to visit before we...well, you know.

The five secrets that I present below are those proposed by John Izzo (PhD) in his book The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die. For each secret, I've provided just one of the many questions that Izzo suggests that we ask ourselves. There really is a lot more to this great little book, and I can't do it justice here.

Be True to Your Self

Am I following my heart right now? What would it mean for me to really follow my heart right now?

Leave No Regrets

What step would I take in my life right now if I were acting with courage, not fear? What might I do differently right now if I were living from the perspective of an old person on the porch looking back at my life?

Become Love

Did I make room for friends, family, and relationships today/this week? Did I allow things to be more important than people?

Live the Moment

Did I live in the present today/this week, or did I let tomorrow or yesterday steal the day's happiness?

Give More Than You Take

Did I make the world a better place this week in some small way?

I like these simple secrets. And five is my favourite number, so there must be something to them.