Fifty Plus One

A year ago today, when I turned 50, I knew that I was going to have a great and interesting year. And so I did. I've learned a lot, and survived some hard moments. After a bad turn several months ago, I believe that I'm actually starting to get a handle on things, again. My therapist thinks so, too. We can't both be wrong.

I've had a lovely day turning 51. A ton of Facebook messages, all lovely. Phone calls and flowers, and a trip to the nursery and an hour in my garden. A recovery meeting this evening. I am thankful, and grateful. Earlier today, a dear friend introduced me to a great piece of writing by William Stafford. Like so much of what I have focused on during my recovery and throughout this past year, in particular, it speaks to the importance of now. Of living in this perfect, made for me, moment. I love it.

You Reading This, Be Ready

Starting here, what do you want to remember?
How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?
What scent of old wood hovers, what softened
sound from outside fills the air?

Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now? Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?

When you turn around, starting here, lift this
new glimpse that you found; carry into evening
all that you want from this day. This interval you spent
reading or hearing this, keep it for life –

What can anyone give you greater than now,
starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?

~ William Stafford ~

It's A Happy Day

Last evening, I had an email from Gwen R. advising that I will be featured as Sober Blogger of the Month for May.

I am quite thrilled, honoured, humbled. I had no idea when I started this recovery blog that I would connect with so many wonderful people who are on the path of recovery and self-discovery and are sharing the message at the same time. I plan on posting about my go-to recovery bloggers this week, but a perfect starting point for others who want to discover this community of online recovery is Gwen's TwelveBeads Modem2Modem site.

May is my favourite month. My belly button birthday is in May (the 5th) and my recovery anniversary is as well (the 11th). I've spent so much time this past few months reflecting about where I am at, and where I want to be. Part of my process has been decluttering my home, slowing down and simplifying my life. I have come across a lot of reminders from my past that have given me pause. Mostly good pauses. I posted a few weeks ago about a couple of poems that I wrote way back in the day - before I came into recovery. A few days ago, I found the very first poem that I ever wrote in recovery. It kind of makes me giggle to think that I started this quest to learn how to live in the moment twenty odd years ago.

Yesterday

holds memories and lessons

quite a few

Tomorrow

has my dreams, my hopes,

of which some may come true

But

anything that isn't now

I try to put away...

And

look for all I need from

life, in all I have

Today.

I haven't quite gotten there yet. But I am pleased to be reminded that I have for a very long time, been committed to the concept of mindfulness and living in the moment.