Thursday, February 9, 2012

Soul Mate at Twenty Three Years of Recovery

My Darling Husband,

Tonight will be the first time that I have ever missed one of your recovery milestone celebrations. I won't be there in body, but I am pretty sure you know that I will be there with you in spirit. I wish I could be there tonight, but of course I am rather preoccupied tending to my own recovery over here in the Mayan Riviera. I know I have said this a million times, but thank you again for being happy for me, for your generous attitude about my taking this time and this space to really settle into my new reality. Our new reality. It's going to be awesome - this next part of our lives. Hard to believe that it can get any better, hey?

I could write for hours about our life in recovery this past several decades. But this blog is for you. And here is what I know about you, and your recovering life:
  • Your Higher Power works wonders when mine does not, which is extremely useful
  • A Narcotics Anonymous convention in June 1989 was an amazing turning point in our recovery and our lives
  • More than anything, I believe, you have recovered the Soul Mate who is at his very best a father, a son, a husband, a friend, and a brother to more than just Car Dude and Sled Dude (though they must always keep the biggest slice of your heart)
  • You take recovery very seriously, but only if you can have a lot of fun while doing it
  • You love the boys and girls in recovery, but you completely underestimate just how very much they love you
  • The last two sets of steps (both completed in the past four years) were maybe (but not quite) as profound as the first set twenty some years ago
  • You treasure the early years, when we were all stumbling around like idiots with control issues - because back in the day - control issues were fun
  • You have truly come to realize that how other people work their program, or don't - and whether they stay or go - is none of your business, you just love 'em anyway
What else do I know about you, and your life? Well let's just go through a few things that you have survived or experienced with joy...clean:
  • Watching your two boys grow up and become absolutely remarkable men
  • Your own bout with cancer
  • Becoming a grandfather to the Three Adorables
  • My cancer
  • Blending a family of the "least likely to blend" specimens
  • Supporting me through my mother's death from cancer and my grief from same
  • Owning a business and letting it go
  • Making a home in the same house for 15 years
  • Making another home in the same house for 4 years and counting
  • Being there for your Dad and Mom after his accident
  • Being there for two teenage girls and a teenage boy, even when they each had lost their minds
  • Always (quietly) being there for anybody in your family who might learn from your experience
  • Developing a passion for fishing and following it through
  • For being open to going on amazing amazing amazing trips to beautiful places
  • Moving to Paradise, and still realizing with great wonder "We live here"
  • Persevering at a job that is pretty difficult at times, but works for our lifestyle
  • Learning how to love a woman who always had great potential, but was broken in a few spots for a few years
  • Building a family, a home, a life, and a future - because you know you are worth it.
I don't know much else to say that I would want to share here, there is a lot that I would and will tell you in private.

For today, I just want you to know that I think that 23 years of recovery, for a boy like you (I knew you "when," after all) is an absolute miracle. Thanks so much for sharing it with a girl like me. I love you. Enjoy tonight.

~ Dawn ~

1 comment:

  1. This post made me tear up. It's hard to estimate everything we lose when a spouse is eaten up by their addiction. Your list is so full of things I think many people take for granted, but for me it was both a painful reminder of what I couldn't have when I was married to someone who could not stay sober and a glimpse of hope for what I will have now. Thank you for sharing!