Gratitude, Turkey, and Me

I shit you not, embracing imperfection this year has been a blast.

And let me just say, I quite love that a few days of each year I get to pair gratitude with turkey. I love turkey as much if not more for the tradition as for the drumsticks.

Yesterday we had an unusually low key Thanksgiving Dinner (we are Canadian) at our house. Just Soul Mate (who cooks the turkey dinner every holiday since I can't cook worth a damn), First Born and Hockey Dude, and Yoga Kid and Soccer Guy. Dress code was extremely casual. I actually wore pyjama pants, and not because I planned to fill myself to bursting. Having given up sugar and wheat this past month, there was only one difficult moment for me as the pumpkin pie with whipped cream was passed around. This was clearly the first turkey dinner that I have eaten in five decades where I skipped the stuffing and the gravy. I was proud of myself for abstaining.

As much as last night was about the meal, it really wasn't just about the food. It was about the company. Highlights included getting the inside scoop from Hockey Dude on our local WHL (Western Hockey League) team - our newest obsession. And watching Soccer Guy experience his very first bite of pumpkin pie, ever. (He's from way far away). Teaching First Born how to crochet was fun (she calls it crotchet). And Yoga Kid, well - it's always amazing to watch this only vegetarian in the family enjoy a turnip and tomato dish that Soul Mate prepares just for her. There isn't a holiday that goes by that I don't think of the people who aren't here with us, of course. But I give thanks for them, wherever they are.

I have been through a lot this year, but it has been a kick ass year. I give thanks for my nervous breakthrough in February, and for the declaration from my oncologist last month that my cancer is "cured." I give thanks for my Dad's and my Parents-In-Law's continued good health, and for my healed relationship with my Baby Sister. For my nieces nephews, stepsons and grandchildrens' happiness. For all of our friends, old and new, far and near. I am thankful that I know more clearly today what my shortcomings are, and am more hopeful than ever that they will not always and forever make me miserable. I've overcome a few of them, lately. I am thankful for the profession that I am in, and for the one that I have, at least temporarily, let go. I am grateful for a therapist who has helped lead me back to myself, and even grateful for the situations at work that led me to the therapist. I may be a workaholic, but I am a recovering workaholic.

I am thankful that 99% of the crap that happens in my life these days, happens in that space between my ears called my head. It can be pretty awful, but there aren't too many witnesses to the worst of it. I figure that by this time next year, I'll have it down to 89%. I'm going to just keep on figuring out how to be okay, with just being okay. I'm amazing in some ways, or so I am told. I'll keep working on believing that too.

Life is good here. I hope it is where you are too.

A Penny for My Thoughts (Or Not)

I think I may be one of those women who think too much.

I may also be a woman who reads too much.

I'll get back to you on the first point. But not until after I have read this interesting looking book that I just found in my favourite used book store today.

Sometimes I think I am just plain crazy.

But in a good way.

Tuesday Tidbit

I feel compelled to share today's reading from Anne Wilson Schaef's daily meditation book .

May 31

Acceptance

It is in the knowledge of the genuine conditions of our lives that we must draw our strength to live and our reasons for living. (Simone de Beauvoir)

What a beautiful expression of the profundity of acceptance in our lives! Sometimes we are so busy rushing around that we do not take the time simply to accept who we are and what we have. Paradoxically, it is in that full acceptance that our lives then move on.

Our lives do have meaning...just as they are. It is our illusions that rob us of meaning, not our reality. When I accept my reality, I claim my strength and reasons for living.

My Life is what it is. It may change, and right now it is what it is.

Decluttering (Kind Of)

I have discovered (very recently) that living a simpler, more serene and spirit-filled life requires a significant amount of decluttering. More than anything, this means thinning out the clutter in my brain. There are a lot of things going on up there that I simply don't need any more. I am also decluttering my calendar, day by inperfect day. Things are getting tidier in both my brain, and my schedule. But I have a hell of a long way to go.

I am also decluttering my space, room by room. Soul Mate and I share a mere 800 square feet of living space. Yoga Kid lives in another 700 square foot space below us. Our  home, built in 1929 but completely renovated in 2007, is extremely cute, albeit a bit crooked. It definitely has character. In the winter, a wood-burning fireplace helps take the chill out of our aging bones on those grey, damp and drizzly Island days. We have great windows that look out in every direction onto the green, green, green of our neighbourhood, so we never feel closed in. We can't fit a lot of bodies in here for social events, but that doesn't stop us from trying once in a while. On warm spring and summer days, our friends and loved ones are able to spill out into our huge, beautiful backyard. We have one spare bedroom that doubles as my study. It has a double bed in it, so we can host the people we love, but not too many at once. We have everything we need here, we lack nothing, need nothing more. I love my home,it has heart. It is my sanctuary.

What our house does not have, is room for my ever-expanding collection of books. Fortunately, I have a solution. That solution is not to buy an eReader. I am just not there yet. How on earth do you loan books to your daughters or friends if you have an eReader? Just answer me that one.

Several weeks ago I started hauling some of my books by the boxful to Russell Books, a renowned used book store here in my part of the world. These are books that I know that I won't need or read again. I have always taken excellent care of my books so they are all in great shape. Women's studies, Canadian history, history of health and medicine, I've now parted with books that I drooled or struggled over through all three of my degrees, or no longer use in my teaching. Novels of every shape and colour too, I can only hope that others will cry and laugh over the best of them, as I did. In return for the first four boxes I have hauled in, I earned a credit for over $150.00.

The point here is not to trade books in for money, however. I am going to trade books in for...books. I am finding this a very useful strategy at this moment in my life. I am craving and devouring knowledge about how to move into this next phase of my life, the Recovering Dawn phase, as I like to think of it. There are so many fabulous books out there written by women, to help women live more balanced, authentic, rich and rewarding lives. Here are the first two books that I've bought with my credit. They are both daily meditation books, and in my favour, they are quite small in size, so they will take up less room in my house. I hope that counts, just a little, as decluttering. If not, I am still quite certain that each one will each help declutter my brain.

Sue Patton Thoele, The Woman's Book of Spirit: Meditations to Awaken Our Inner Wisdom.

From the publisher:

A collection of spiritual meditations for women of all beliefs and backgrounds. By helping readers reclaim the Sacred Feminine Voice within, this book offers comfort, encouragement, and inspiration.

Melody Beattie, 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact

From the publisher:

What gets in the way of serenity? For most people, the answer is life-those everyday distractions, obligations, and frustrations that cause chaos and clutter. In her new week- by-week guidebook, best-selling self-help author Melody Beattie brings new hope to individuals longing to lead a more serene life.

Organized as weekly collections of stories, meditations, and suggestions, 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact addresses key self-care issues, including how to nurture inner peace, when to reach out to others, how to carry through on good intentions, where to make time for fun, and how to cultivate a deeper prayer life. Beattie's thoughtful prose and practical advice provide new opportunities for reflection, affirmation, and change.