Chasing Adrenaline

Today I was startled to find that the satin ribbon in my Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much  marks February 27th as the last day that I read anything from this book. It seems somewhat ironic that so much time has lapsed when my entire life is currently devoted to slowing down and meditating.Yet, for some reason I haven't taken time to perform my formerly daily ritual of reading these lovely meditations written by Anne Wilson Schaef.

I am not sure if my neglect in this matter it is a good or a bad thing. Have I been too busy? If so - bad. Or have I been so relaxed that I haven't needed my daily fix? If so - isn't that good?

In any case, it is somewhat fortuitious that today when I finally found time to pick up the book, the daily meditation was focused on something that I have been thinking about. Well, to be honest, I haven't been thinking about it so much as listening to my dear friend *J* talk about it. The concept, or topic, was addiction to adrenaline, related to workaholism. I'm still busy trying to relax, so haven't given much needed attention to my workaholism problem. I do know that I need to start thinking about it. For now, *J* is reading a book on workaholism and sharing what she learns with me. Quite efficient on my part, don't you think?

Back to the meditation...here is what Schaef provided for today:

April 13

Adrenaline/Busyness

"They sicken of the calm who know the storm." (Dorothy Parker)

Ah, that adrenaline rush! How we love it! We are so accustomed to dealing with crisis that we get nervous when things get calm.

Many women who are recovering from workaholism and doing too much are beginning to recognize that they have become addicted to their own adrenaline rush. We used to get a "buzz" with the excitement of a new project or an impending deadline. We functioned best under pressure (or so we believed). We got nervous and tense when our lives became too quiet. We needed the emotional arousal. We needed our fix.

Fortunately we began to see that our adrenaline rushes were exhausting our bodies and our beings. Our addiction to our own adrenaline was as destructive to our bodies as drugs or alcohol. Recovery from adrenaline addiction has been a slow, painful process. Yet, we have the hope of a new life and the possibility of living it in a healthy body.

I have discovered that what I used to call numbness

may just be contentment, and contentment feels great.

Interesting. I'll have to think about this.

Meditating and Beaching It

I need to switch gears, so today I went to our local library to get an armful of books. My harried lifestyle these past months (years) has too often kept me from reading, my absolute favourite pastime. I thought I would pick up a good book or two on stress and burnout, but there weren't any on the shelf. Perplexing, since I searched the catalogue a few days ago and there appeared to be plenty available. I really wish whoever signed them all out, the very best of luck. I thought about taking out something on anxiety or depression, but just the thought of doing that made me anxious.

Not wanting to leave empty handed, I grabbed a book on meditation and a novel. The novel is a "beach book," Jane Green's Dune Road. I mean seriously, if a "beach book" by a New York Times bestselling author can't slow me down and cheer me up, nothing can.

The book on meditation is by Clark Strand, and is called Meditation without Gurus: A Guide to the Heart of Practice. Strand's goal in the book is to simplify meditation. Simple works for me. I especially like his philosophy on meditation, in that he cautions readers against trying to become "expert" at meditation. Not becoming expert at something right now works for me. Says Strand, "Meditation ought to decrease the drivenness of our lives, not make it worse." He goes on to explain:

"The person who meditates—whether for five minutes or five hours a day—wants to keep one area of his or her life that is not driven, that does not draw them ceaselessly away from the fundamental enoughness, sanity, and beauty of the world. The person who truly meditates, and is not caught up in some neurotic game, knows that peace, love, happiness, contentment—everything happens right now." (8-9)

Love it. And I'm going to love the beach book too. Right now.